Sometimes, I blame Jane Austen and Disney. We were set up to expect an image of the "perfect" relationship and, oftentimes, we stayed in the abuse because we thought we could work magic. You can't fix someone else, no matter how hard you try...and believe me, I put in 28+ years.
You can put aside your own dreams and expectations, your own ambitions and thoughts, but sooner or later you have to come to accept the fact that your sacrifice doesn't fix what's broken. Hurting people hurt people. I have always known that the person who hurt me did it because he is sick. That's a reason, not an excuse. Steps could have been taken and changes made, but he chose differently. Plenty of people survive Godawful childhoods and grow to be healthy adults.
That doesn't mean you give up your dreams for a lifetime. You can get back to them. Just make sure you concentrate on dreams you can pursue that don't depend on anyone else's reaction or behavior. Like...
raising happy, healthy, well-rounded kids, despite the odds
publishing a book (or two)
teaching others how to heal from abuse
training law enforcement officers in recognizing covert DV
being interviewed for research and major publications
or any other dreams you can create. Be your own "Imagineer"! Process the grief of not having what you "always" wanted and the universe will open to things you never imagined.
Trust me on this one.
On a dream ride,
AC
You can put aside your own dreams and expectations, your own ambitions and thoughts, but sooner or later you have to come to accept the fact that your sacrifice doesn't fix what's broken. Hurting people hurt people. I have always known that the person who hurt me did it because he is sick. That's a reason, not an excuse. Steps could have been taken and changes made, but he chose differently. Plenty of people survive Godawful childhoods and grow to be healthy adults.
That doesn't mean you give up your dreams for a lifetime. You can get back to them. Just make sure you concentrate on dreams you can pursue that don't depend on anyone else's reaction or behavior. Like...
raising happy, healthy, well-rounded kids, despite the odds
publishing a book (or two)
teaching others how to heal from abuse
training law enforcement officers in recognizing covert DV
being interviewed for research and major publications
or any other dreams you can create. Be your own "Imagineer"! Process the grief of not having what you "always" wanted and the universe will open to things you never imagined.
Trust me on this one.
On a dream ride,
AC
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